he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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