That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How does one acquire holy water?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
