Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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