I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
