ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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