bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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