Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
