I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
