yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
