I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
