he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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