do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
