think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
