I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
