i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
