I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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