You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
