if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
