Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
