The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
