I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
