im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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