some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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