Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
