You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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