I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
