Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
