just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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