it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
