found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
