He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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