i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
