i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
