DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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