party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
