My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
