This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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