Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
