My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
