Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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