Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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