I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
