your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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