I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
