I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
