I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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