Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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