look no pants
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
