Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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