Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
