do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
