Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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