I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one might say we're banned from that church
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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