So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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