I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
