Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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