def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
