but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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