Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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