I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
