The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize