We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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