i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
