hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
