My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
