You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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