I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
