You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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