Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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