No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The best revenge is premature balding
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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