it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
