The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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