Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
