We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize