I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
