Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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