I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
