His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
