I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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