My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
