Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I looked at my own cervix.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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