Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
