we made out on top of his cat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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