Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
